Numb

i found out again.
not the first, second, third, forth nor fifth, it's the sixth times and it definitely will not be the last.
how many more lies i need to take in and digest before i can have a better life?
how long more do i deserve to be torture before a brighter future?
my answer is zero. i shall not let myself nurse the grievance no more.
i think i had taken all these more than enough. perhaps if i had a little more trust on him thing will be different, but then again, he's been playing with my trust again and again. i don't see there's respect or whatsoever.

i always believe that you will learn from every broken relationship that you had.
1st r/s: choose your bf wisely, choose the right person; love can't buy anything.
2nd r/s: treasure; treasure whatever you had now especially the love one because you will never know what's gonna happen next, it's always too late to regret of not treating them good enough of easily just let go of the love.
3rd r/s: never trust guy 100%, or rather do not trust guy easily; learn to know the person better before starting out the r/s. unless you choose to be an idiot, like me currently, then you can forgive him again and again, act dumb time after time.

i told myself to wake up because this is not me, i don't like the me that is so useless, lack of confidence, uncompromisable, lost of direction and all sort of lame and useless character that you name it, i have it.
this is the last person on earth i want myself to be. and since i've been such a useless person for so long, i guess it's time to kill her off and reborn!
i deserve a reborn as whatever i need to do or i can do, i've done. i don't see the reason for me to stay put. nothing.

*praying hard that i'm holding on strong on my belief and decision*